I've heard the grumbling...
For months, The FP has left you waiting with baited breath for even the slightest inkling of insight into the goings on of the beautiful game.
To be fair, I’ve been watching, thinking, choosing the time to speak. And now is that time.
Much has happened in the six months since FIFA chose Russia and Qatar to host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups respectively. I’m still having a hard time typing those words, but few of the subsequent events have been important enough to make The FP break my silence – until the past week.
So much has happened that Sports Illustrated is biting my last post (from six months ago) and footie’s top sponsors (adidas, Coke and Visa) are publicly scolding FIFA.
Sure, the European domestic footie season climaxed in dramatic fashion, Italian Don Senore Silvio Berlusconi was charged with having sex with a 17-year-old Moroccan prostitute at his “Bunga Bunga” sex parties, and FC Barthhhelona galloped over Manchester United to be crowned European club champions.
But unlike the involuntary sneazing fits I've suffered from the dust unsettled in my spring cleaning, all of the season's travails pale in comparison to the dust-up and power move we all witnessed in the days leading up to FIFA King Sepp Blatter being ceremoniously coronated Wednesday for a fourth term. In the previous week he’d:
· Redirected that same scrutiny toward his sole rival for the FIFA crown (forcing his adversary to withdraw from the race);
· Walked off the stage of a news conference hastily-called to address the ethical “crisis” within FIFA;
And on the seventh day, he rested.
Who’s bad…?
Now class, many serious and thoughtful people dedicate their lives to the study of politics, but rarely will you find a more demonstrative example of the art of power wielding than King Sepp's actions in the past week. Call him a slightly senile, misogynistic, probably corrupt, power-hungry Swiss chameleon if you like, but The King knows how to run s@#t.
Next time you're caught in something, or confronted about an obvious problem you're responsible for, do what King Sepp did.
Asked about the crisis in FIFA, The King replied: "Crisis, what is a crisis?" Substitute your issue for "crisis," lather, rinse, repeat, and you're off the hook like a River Monster.
The FP suspects this mid-week melodrama was King Sepp's latest ruse to make us all forget about that goal line technology he promised months ago.
Lost in the mire of last week is how The King threw one of his most trusted allies (CONCACAF President Jack Warner) under the bus as part of his power move. Warner, along with Asian football head Mohammed Bin Hammam, have both been suspended indefinitely from FIFA, prompting Warner to declare in an angry Caribbean accent:“Blatter must be stopped.” And on election day, Bin Hammam was even barred entry into the FIFA compound.
The day after Warner made Blatter his personal public enemy #1, he flip-flopped and urged CONCACAF's member nations to unanimously support Blatter in the election. Jack knows where is roti is buttered.
But the the instability is deep in CONCACAF, where it’s General Secretary (and girthy Jedi Knight) American Chuck Blazer, was the source of information implicating Warner and Bin Hammam for separately offering $40,000 vote bribes. As a result, Warner’s temporary CONCACAF replacement Lislie Austin unsuccessfully attempted to fire Blazer. A word of advice to Mr. Austin - the Jedi Mind Trick only works on the weak-minded.
Meanwhile, Warner (seen below and to the right of Obi Wan Buffet) is promising to present damning emails from The King tomorrow. Stay tuned, this CONCACAF/FIFA cannibalism is far from over. Oh, did I mention that CONCACAF’s premier bi-annual tournament – the Gold Cup – also kicks off tomorrow? And somehow, we all know it can't be any better than the FIFA family show we all just saw.
Potentially more earth-shattering than CONCACAF feeding on itself, or Blatter's repeated ability to make FIFA delegates look cheaper than 5 minutes with a $20 hooker, are the increasingly public declarations from promienet FIFA officials that they suspect Qatar bribed its way into hosting the 2022 WC.
Consequently, a thorough and independent investigation into the Qatari selection is imminent. How thorough and independent can a FIFA investigation be you say? How about hiring Louis Freeh - the former head of the FBI! That independent enough for you?
But Freeh may soon realize that jewel of wisdom shared by Da Mayor in "Do The Right Thing."
Those that'll tell, don't know. And those that know, won't tell.
On the surface, a serious investigation sounds promising for football at-large and the USA in particular. A reputable firm has finally been hired to once-and-for-all root out the bribers and bribees from FIFA.
And if, as suspected, Bin Hammam and Qatar are found to have improperly paid for the votes that won the desert nation the WC, it is widely speculated that the United States – Qatar’s runner-up to host the 2022 WC – will be the 2022 host by default.
Now, regular readers of The FP will know I’ve been an unabashed advocate of the US hosting the WC. I have my reasons, most of them selfish, but all legitimate. However, given that Qatar has been selected – no matter how corrupt the process – I’m adamant that taking the WC from Qatar and handing it to the US will have dire international repercussions.
You’ll remember me blogging that The King rose to power and maintains his power through a coalition of nations of color – specifically Asia and Africa, where he promised and delivered WCs in 2002 and 2010. He’s subsequently shepherded a WC to South America – Brazil 2014 – further placating his core power base.
Among all the media-stoked bewilderment at Russia and Qatar’s selections, is the continuing motif that King Sepp is doling out WCs to the emerging world, and Russia and the Middle East are two of the last major players waiting for their turn with the sporting lady known as FIFA – China's still waiting its turn.
Although I genuinely believe King Sepp did not want the WC going to Qatar – Russia is open to debate – he more than anyone knows it is better to let sleeping jackals lie. As I’ve said before, you can’t knowingly enter into a corrupt bidding process and, upon losing because you were out-bribed – protest the result based on its corruption.
Further, Qatar's selection to host world sport’s premier showcase has been a clear source of pride for the Arab and Muslim worlds. Can you imagine the negative sentiment in the Arab world directed States-side if that pride were stripped away and handed to the nation with the biggest anti-Muslim reputation on the globe?!
As I see it, it'd be justice, but justice that would come at far too heavy a price.
For that reason, I say leave the WC in Qatar, or give it to someone else, but not the United States.
Didn't see that one coming, did ya!
Didn't see that one coming, did ya!
In other news:
- The annual Italian Serie A match fixing scandal is upon us;
- Blog favorite Diegooooooooo Maradona has called FIFA execs "dinosaurs;"
- England/ManU striker Wayne Rooney wants to get that fresh new Donald Trump doo;
- Old Argentine footballers apparently don't like Brazilian virgins;
- Greek club football is violent... and self-suspended;
- And American goalkeeper Brad Friedel is dead to me.
And now, your footie anecdote: Last week, while the FIFA Family was at war with itself, the world lost one of the most innovative and conscientious musicians of the past 40 years. Gil Scott-Heron, who prophetically crooned “The Revolution Will Not Be Televised” in 1970, and subsequently became a cult figure across several musical genres, died May 27 at the age of 62.
Few remember or even know that Scott-Heron was the son of Gil Heron, who in 1951 became the first black player at Glasgow Celtic in Scotland. This was a massive move for a predominantly Catholic club that still balks at signing Protestant players to this day.
So in honor of father and son, I dedicate Scott-Heron’s “Home is Where the Hatred Is” to FIFA, CONCACAF, Scottish sectarianism, and the US 2022 WC bid for 2022.
CLASS DISMISSED
