I’ll dispense with my now tiresome excuses as to why it’s been so long since my last post. Needless to say, The FP is doing distasteful things for his money. Mind you, there are no narcotics, or sexual favors, and white slavery’s not involved, but it is leaving an increasingly foul taste in my mouth. To the new job mobile… let’s goooooo!
I suppose my last post (the epic tome on the history of the Beautiful Game) left me spent and devoid of inspiration. Even so, I have to say the first couple of months of the club season have been rather dry. Aside from a few broken legs, a double goalkeeper meltdown (my protégé LOVES this story!), and the tantalizing sleaze that is Rooney-gate, not much has been going on.
By the way… it’s October. Where’s that review of goal line technology promised by FIFA King Sepp Blatter? As predicted right here by The FP, Hades will endure a record dip in humidity before The King makes the game more accountable. All hail The King!
Also needing a drink by now is the FIFA committee making site visits to nation’s bidding to host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. The latest word is that England, Russia and the USA are the leading contestants. There are increasing murmurings that a closed-door deal is being worked for the US to withdraw from contention for 2018, clearing the way for England 2018 and solidifying votes for USA 2022. That would leave the Russkies high dry and wondering why their “vodka-fueled, 13-year-old virgin sex slaves chained to a Moscow hotel radiator” lobbying campaign didn’t work.
Given that the Yanks have whipped the Limeys twice (wars of independence and 1812 in case you were asleep in your fourth grade history class) and the Cossacks once reeeeeeeally slowly (Cold War), I say we take em on again head-to-head and let the red cards fall where they may! By the way, if for some reason I'm found “floating” face down in my bath tub, body defaced with Siberian prison tattoos BEFORE the December FIFA vote, you’ll know which nation will host BOTH WCs. Ahhh, those pranksters from the former Soviet Union...
Other bidding nations have fared far worse. Japan's effort, for example, is hardly registering. Too much emphasis on technology I'm told. Fear not Nippon! No bid, no nation, no person is perfect - even the FP has faults. Among my duo of shortcomings… spite.
Some of you know that The FP spent a fruitless, if near-deadly spell Down Under. I say fruitless because I’d hoped to contribute to the growth of football in Oz. But I was spurned and left Aussieland unfulfilled.
Now, one of two things happens when I leave a place for good – something really good (Atlanta), or something really, really bad (Cleveland). And as much as I love the Buckeye state, it touched me in the morning; then just walked away. Since I left, Cleveland's economy sank into the the toilet, its housing prices collapsed, and its schools continue to… (shall we say) suck sweaty donkey balls.
Now I cast no ju-ju (good or bad) upon my departed residences, but I have to say the calamity that has befallen the Aussie World Cup bid is just deserts.
You see after starting their bid campaign quite strong, they’ve fallen off the pace. In addition to being investigated by FIFA for unsanctioned lobbying, and their regional confederation president backing the rival bid from (LOL) Qatar, the H-League (Australia’s top flight football) is teetering (what a naughty word) on the brink of collapse. FIFA No Like!
And I have so say it couldn’t happen to a more deserving football federation. That icky substance dripping sarcastically from my fingers…. Yep, you guessed it.
On another WC note, the World Wide Leader in American Sports has released new numbers indicating that 160 million Americans watched the World Cup on the network, through its web presence (ESPN3), or through ESPN’s stream to handheld devices. That’s a 41 percent increase over the 2006 U.S. viewership of the WC. They also reported an average American viewership of 3.3 million for each WC match, and that 24.7 million Yanks watched the final. Strangely, 5.7 million in the States watched the Nigeria-South Korea and Greece-Argentina games June 22. The only sense I can make of this is that there was a momentary unholy alliance between two of The FP’s nemeses. That’s right – Dear Leader and Diegoooooooo!
I know…. I know; Kim Jong-Il is from North Korea. But this moment of whimsy allowed me to mention two of the blog’s favorites subjects. To them I say: "건배 snknknknknk." (that’s cheers in Korean followed by the sound of Diego Maradona indulging in his favored pastime - no, not smoking).
Back in Europe, there’s a tasty legal case developing that could scuttle Rupert Murdoch’s $2.56 billion near-monopoly of English Premier League broadcasting rights. In an attempt to increase traffic to her establishment, Portsmouth pub owner Karen Murphy subscribed to Sky Sports, only to find the fee rocket to more than $1,500-a-month. To keep the pub traffic, but cut the Sky expense, she illegally used a Greek cable box subscription card to gain access to the matches.
When she was caught (Big Brother Rupert IS watching!) she had to pay about $12,700 in fines to Sky. Undaunted, she sued, arguing that restricting her choice of satellite providers violates the free trade standard of the European Union. Cheers to you Lady Murphy!
Let us all bow our heads and hope that Big Brother Rupert doesn't transform back to his 1960s alter-ego
(The Mastermind... RODAK!) and send his horde of shadowy Lugo Men for the gutsy Pompey broad!
(The Mastermind... RODAK!) and send his horde of shadowy Lugo Men for the gutsy Pompey broad!
it’s worth noting that England’s most successful club – Liverpool – are perched precariously in the relegation zone as they prepare to face cross town rivals Everton – also near bottom – Oct. 17. If you’re a Scouser (a native of Liverpool), it doesn’t get any worse than this. Well.... it could, if the derby ends in a draw, and all three clubs around them win. That'd leave the Liverpudlians joint bottom of the table. Woe to Scouse-land.NEWS FLASH: Liverpool's board have agreed to sell the club to the owner of the Boston Red Sox!
And speaking of missing in action, let’s stop briefly in the Motherland, where CAFeter – my name for the useless Confederation of African Football – has again shown a lack of leadership by ignoring the Nigerian government's meddling in Nigerian football affairs – a massive no-no to FIFA. As if he had nothing better to do, The King had to interrupt a "counseling session," get involved, and indefinitely suspend Nigeria from all international competition.
This follows on the heals of FIFA having to step in again for CAFeter last month after it was discovered that a fake Togo team took part in an official friendly with Bahrain. You'll remember that CAFeter brandished it's bizarro style of leadership in January when it banned Togo (them again) for pulling out of the African Cup of Nations after Togo's team bus was attacked by Angolan gunmen, and three members of the delegation were killed. Again, it was FIFA King Sepp Blatter who personally cleaned up this idiotic CAFeter catastrophe.
Something that needs no clean-up is my favorite (but still yet to visit) US pitch - Philadelphia Union’s "People Park," which is embroiled in a new controversy. Apparently the Sons of Ben – the Philly supporters group so fervent that they formed three years before the club took the field – have been using offensive language in its songs during matches. Philly fans! Using offensive language?!?! Unheard of!
And now, your footie anecdote:
Bolivian President Evo Morales graciously agreed to play in a friendly between his party and his political rivals as part of the christening of a newly renovated La Paz stadium. But as we’ve heard time and time again, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And when a crunching tackle was administered to one of his teammates, Morales, THE PRESIDENT OF THE FRIGGIN COUNTRY….. kneed his opponent ... in the nuts.
CLASS DISMISSED
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