Now that the extended Independence Day weekend can no longer be tangentially celebrated class, welcome back to Footie 101.
I’d have posted sooner and more regularly, but I failed to reserve time to blog beyond the quarterfinals – not unlike the Netherlands team, which neglected to arrange for hotel rooms at the World Cup beyond July 6. Having booked their place in the final by defeating Uruguay yesterday (3-2), the Dutch are now homeless as their previous hotel, the Johannesburg Hilton, is booked solid for the rest of the tournament. (
I hear there are vacancies in the Paris Hilton!)
FIFA To The Rescue!
The global governing body is hunting for accommodations as we speak so the frugal Dutch have someplace to sleep until Sunday’s final. Once found, do you think they’ll… go Dutch?
In the Netherlands-Uruguay match the Dutch always looked the better team, but Uruguay were a constant threat on the counter attack. That is until Giovanni Von Bronckhorst fired a rocket from 40 yards, across the face of goal, that ricocheted off the upper 90 and nestled into the back of the net. My mobile phone instantly blew up with multiple texts indicating “Goal of the tournament,” and I can’t disagree.
Though down 3-1 in the closing minutes, the Uruguayans fought back with a stoppage time goal from Maxi Pereira. The Netherlands held on for the win, but two things shone about this Dutch team: 1) Arjen Robben has no chocolate foot (his right), and 2) the Dutch don’t know how to finish off a game. Robben missed one fairly easy goal early in the match because he took the shot with his right foot (skying it into the stratosphere) and another that was more difficult on the counter attack that he should have taken with his right. Lacking confidence in his ‘gummy foot’, he unsuccessfully tried to flick past the keeper with his left. It’s quite a shame that a player of his quality and at this level doesn’t have any competency with his un-favored foot. Perhaps that’s why he was sold from Chelsea to Real Madrid, who later sold him to Bayern Munchen.
Then there is the Dutch propensity to muck up a well-played match in its final moments. This team had multiple chances to put the game out of reach, but failed to score fairly routine chances and then allowed the Uruguayans to score and put themselves in a position to extend the contest. The Dutch did something similar in the quarterfinal against Brazil (2-1) when they neglected chance after chance to put the game away. One instance saw them squander a 3-on-2 counter attack in the Brazilian box. A more ruthless team (see Deutschland) would have buried those chances, and would eagerly accept any slim opportunities offered up at the end of a match. Sounds like Von Bronckhorst has some teamwork on his hands before Sunday's final.
Now I must speak about the complete lack of sportsmanship shown by Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez, who double-fisted a goal-bound shot off the line in the quarterfinal match with Ghana. Many things need to be said here; among them is the fact that the Ghanaians failed to convert the subsequent penalty, and then fell apart in the penalty shoot out. Also, the rules were followed to the letter - Suarez was red carded and suspended for a match. That said, this low-grade troglodyte dishonored the game he’s dedicated his life to by violating one of its basic tenets. Argentina’s Diego Maradona did this. So did France’s Thierry Henry. Now add to that list Uruguay’s Suarez, who celebrated in the tunnel when he saw Ghana miss the penalty given after his act of cowardice. Disgusting!
And like Diego (fat recovering coke addict) and Henry (shameful team performance), fate had the last word with Suarez, as the Netherlands sent Uruguay home where it belonged. If you sow bad juju, ye shall reap bad juju. Hey Suarez: Have some cocktail nuts in the economy section on your flight back to Montevideo! And when you land, someone should remind you of FIFA’s fair play code: “Winning is without value if victory has been achieved unfairly or dishonestly. Cheating is easy, but brings no pleasure.”
Now on to less distasteful matters.
Many people have spoken to me about how gutted Brazilians must be after being ousted by the Dutch in the quarterfinals. I agree, but you must remember that they
are Brazilians, and
Brazilians know how to turn water into wine - or caipirinha as the case may be.
Next, there’s a brief, but
insightful piece in The Independent on Germany’s multicultural evolution - apparently much
better than French efforts. If they best Spain today, there’ll be so much history to draw upon to hype up a Netherlands-Germany final! Afterall, Germany’s name in its native tongue is “Dutch Land.” And when Germans ask people if they speak German, they ask “Spreken zie Deutsch?” Still in the dark? Have a look at how this Dutchman was greeted in his German office when it just
appeared that there could be a Germany-Netherlands final:
And although the
Dutch team has a long history of internal discord, some dissention has cropped up in this year’s German squad.
Who’s at the center of it, but yet another Chelsea bad-boy… discarded midfielder Michael Ballack.
What’s happening with the teams already bounced from the World Cup you ask? Well, Diego (whose Argentina squad was trounced by ze Germans 4-0 in the quarterfinals) may finally do something with dignity and grace for once in his life - quit managing the Argentine national team. Said Argentine Football Association President Julio Grondona: “Maradona is the only person in the country who can do whatever he wants. He still has a contract with us, so it's up to him.” But then, he is Diego.
And Diego loves a headline!
In England news, the journalist accused of hiding the spectator who accidentally entered the English locker room after a group stage match, will go on trial for the offence. The bizarre part of this story… the trial will take place July 11 – THE DAY OF THE FINAL! I’m not sure if this is reflective of S. African jurisprudence, or karma biting the journalist – the Sunday Mirror’s Simon Wright – in the ass. Perhaps this incident will inspire Wright to take a page from Earl J. Hickey.
In USA footie news, NASA (that’s right, NASA!) has opined scientific on the Jabulani World Cup ball - which has been panned by anyone who has tried to kick, save, or scratch it. The American space agency has declared the ball.. bad. Houston, we have a problem! When the ball reaches speeds above 44 mph, it becomes unpredictable, NASA researchers said. NASA also blamed the ball's light weight (440 grams) and S. African altitude (1,000 meters or more above sea level) for the balls poor flight and lack of consistency.
Not complaining about the S. African altitude is ESPN – the World Wide Leader (in American Sports), which posted the largest June audience in its history. Led by more dedicated (but still mediocre) coverage to the world’s largest sporting event, ESPN has seen a viewership increase of 1.1 million US households this quarter. The spike was helped by broadcasts of The Masters and the first primetime broadcast of the NFL draft. But it is largely the World Cup that made the difference. Asked if ESPN would now treat the global game with the respect it deserved, an ESPN executive pointed to a television showing "SportsCenter" instead of post match analysis, and walked out of the room.
Lastly, storm clouds are-a-gatherin in Spain as the top two clubs – Mathhhhhrid y Barthhheloana – may soon see their lengthy gravy train cut off. Tired of seeing the big two clubs suck all the cash out of La Liga by keeping their television revenues (the English, German and French leagues each share their television revenues collectively), the other clubs are staging a palace coup! Word is the other 18 clubs have met and decided that
if Real Madrid and Barcelona don’t agree to share their television revenues with the other clubs, they’ll be excluded from the league! And I say, bueno for the other 18!
Sharing will be hard for both, but perhaps harder for Barca, as the “more than just a club” club had to take out a $190 million bridge loan to pay players and staff this month. Newly elected club president Sandro Rosell said the loan was to overcome short-term cash flow problems. Barca is “a club in debt and with liquidity problems, but we are resolving them," Rosell said. "Club members shouldn't worry. The club isn't bankrupt.”
Riiiiiiiiight…. Barca needs cash like Pookie needed rocks in "New Jack City." Just Monday Barca sold defender Rumpelstilzchen (real name Dmytro Chygrynskiy) back to the club they bought him from - FC Shakhtar Donetsk in the Ukraine - for a net loss of $16 million. So much for that $60 million purchase of Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas…
Not to be outdone, Italy’s football federation has decided that it’s not xenophobic enough and will further limit the number of non-European Union players on Italian club rosters to (drum roll please.. ) ONE! This was done in response to Italy’s poor showing at the World Cup. You’ll remember the defending world champions didn’t even make it out of the group stage. And although Serie A champs Inter Milan won the UEFA Champions League, it did so without an Italian player in the starting lineup at the final.
The xenophobia amendment is effective immediately. Saluto colored people.
Now for today’s pick. You’ll remember that I didn’t blog before the Uruguay-Netherlands match, so there was no pick. This was partly because the only way I could figure out how to support the Netherlands without picking them in the blog (I blame my abysmal record on bad juju) was to not blog at all. I’m under no such specter with the Spain-Germany semifinal, however. Sooooooo…
Spain-Germany (2-1): The bulls are running in Pamplona, and so shall they in Durban.
And now, your footie anecdote:
Germany midfield sensation Mesut Ozil has ridiculed England players for complaining that they were bored between games in South Africa. Said Ozil: "If you find the greatest tournament on earth boring, then you probably shouldn't be there."
CLASS DISMISSED
