There’ll be some brevity to this post as nearly all that’s been written in the past few days is simply about how the four remaining World Cup teams want to win their respective matches – there’s a stretch!
A quick recap of the semis find Spain and the Netherlands in the final, and Germany and Uruguay in the third place final. The Spaniards booked their place by their usual 1-0 score line over a tentative and confidence-lacking German side. Had they settled down, they could have made a better go of it, but Spain was imperious and it’s no surprise they’re in the final. Meanwhile, Carlos Puyol was surprised by the unexpected royal visit to the Spanish locker room by Queen Sofia after their win over ze Germans.
Immidiately after the cameras stopped, Queen Sofi snatched Puyol's towl off and challenged his nether regions to a bull fight. My money is on the queen... OLE!
Thus far, I’ve done everything I could to avoid writing about Paul, the psychic German octopus, but circumstances demand I mention him at this late date. You see the cephalopod mollusk (I told you CBT!) has accurately predicted the outcome of every German match of this World Cup. Since Paul rightly predicted Germany’s defeat by Spain, Germans worldwide have turned on the tentacled one, blamming him for their sadness. Needless to say, death by broiling with garlic and butter has topped the list of Germanic revenge methods.
In actual World Cup news, the “flu” has randomly struck down four German players, their coach, and UEFA President Michel Platini – who collapsed in a restaurant after drinking California wine (he’s French).
FIFA King Sepp Blatter, who few know conducts research on the side to find cures for communicable diseases, dubbed the illnesses a Swine Hund Outbreak and quarantined the lot.
There’s been more smoke and mirrors talk from FIFA underlings about goal-line technology. I’ll believe it when I see it… I’d like to see it… but I doubt it'll ever be seen.
In club footie news, England’s Tottenham Hotspur (convulsions) has come up with an idea to generate more cash that will rapidly be adopted by clubs throughout Europe. You see Spurs (convulsions) have had the novel idea to have a kit sponsor for league play and another for cup competitions. This is most certainly to capitalize on the club qualifying for the chance to play in the UEFA Champions League in the coming season. Unlike so many other financial moves by Spurs (convulsions), this one is genuinely intelligent. Despite my disdain for Spurzzzzzzzzz (convulsions), I acknowledge astuteness when it’s displayed.. (convulsions).
Back home, the worst kept secret in MLS history is poised to finally become FACT (with apologies to Rafa Benitez). To some he is one of the most skilled footballers in history. To Irish others he is a cheating pariah. But to the New York Redbulls, he is an imminently arriving gravy train. Thierry Henry is expected to be unveiled Thursday as the club’s newest signing. Look to see Henry (like David Beckham) buy an MLS team after he retires in a couple years.
Now for some picks!
Uruguay-Germany (0-2): Empowered by a rejuvenative elixir concocted by Dr. Blatter, the Germans miraculously recover from the Swine Hund Outbreak and ruthlessly remind the Uruguayans that this is football – not volleyball.
Netherlands-Spain (2-1): I said whoever won in the Brazil-Netherlands quarterfinal would win the cup. I stand by that. Hup! Hup!
And now, your oranje footie anecdote…
Netherlands captain Giovanni Van Bronckhorst said he’ll risk FIFA’s ire by skipping a post-match drug test if he’s randomly selected after the final. The reason – he doesn't want to miss the victory celebrations. Van Bronckhorst was randomly tested after the semi final and he missed the post-match party in the dressing room. He's not worried about FIFA sanctions if he skips the test this time round - Van Bronckhorst retires from football after the match.
UPDATE: Look no further for a reason to support a Netherlands win.
CLASS DISMISSED
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