Post-Partum Depression

Despite there being no World Cup for 1,421 days, there will be footie 101, so take your seats and let’s get to it.

With the cup fully finished and a solid month before the European club football seasons start in earnest, the footie landscape is a bit like walking into a room you used to live in that has now been emptied of its contents. That hollow feeling with a slight echo… yeah, you know the feeling. Nonetheless, there is football news to share.

Ageing Barcelona striker Thierry Henry has officially joined the New York Redbulls and retired from playing for the French national team. Henry, whose legend was established playing for Arsenal FC, has signed a multi-year deal and said he joined NY bring trophies to the empty trophy cabinet.

Said Henry: “Where am I again? Of corrzzz…. Oui! Uhhh, and le check… where is le check?”

All kidding aside, all the best to Thierry and welcome to the US of A! He’ll take on the old rival Tottenham Hotspur (convulsions) Thursday in a friendly televised on Fox Soccer Channel (FSC). Looking forward, he recognizes that he’ll likely receive a raucous greeting from Irish American footie fans for his hand ball that cheated Ireland out of World Cup 2010.

Beyond Henry having the Gaul to finish his career in the MLS, this is a great time to be a footie fan stateside. There’s a veritable cornucopia of top flight European club friendlies on tap for the coming weeks. Big clubs from Spain, England, Italy, Portugal, Scotland and Greece will grace these shores as part of their pre-season preparations, and many of these matches will be televised! See the list below…

July 16
Manchester United v Celtic, Rogers Centre, Toronto, ESPN2 7PM
July 17
Tottenham Hotspur v SJ Earthquakes, Buck Shaw Stadium, Santa Clara, CA, ESPN 4PM
Manchester City v Portland Timbers, Merlo Field (Univ. of Portland)
Bolton Wanderers v Charleston Battery, Blackbaud Stadium, Charleston, SC
Portsmouth v Ventura County Fusion, Oxnard College Stadium, Oxnard, CA
July 18
Celtic v Seattle Sounders, Qwest Field, Seattle, ESPN 3PM
July 21
Manchester United v Philadelphia Union, Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia
Celtic v Sporting Lisbon, Fenway Park, Boston, FSC 8PM
Bolton Wanderers v Toronto FC, BMO Field, Toronto
Portsmouth v FC Edmonton, Commonwealth Stadium, Edmonton, AB
July 22
Tottenham Hotspur v NY Red Bulls, Red Bull Arena, Harrison, NJ, FSC 8:30PM
July 23
Manchester City v Sporting Lisbon, Red Bull Arena, Harrison, NJ, FSC 8:30PM
July 24
Portsmouth v DC United, RFK Stadium, Washington, DC
July 25
Tottenham Hotspur v Sporting Lisbon, Red Bull Arena, Harrison, NJ, FSC 1PM
Manchester City v NY Red Bulls, Red Bull Arena, Harrison, NJ, FSC 3PM
Manchester United v KC Wizards, Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, FSC 6PM
July 28
Manchester City v Club America, Georgia Dome, Atlanta
Manchester United v MLS All-Stars, Reliant Stadium, Houston, ESPN2 8:30PM
July 31
Manchester City v Inter Milan, M&T Bank Stadium, Baltimore
Aug. 3
Inter Milan v Panathinaikos, Rogers Centre, Toronto
Aug. 4
Real Madrid v Club America, Candlestick Park, San Francisco
Aug. 5
Inter Milan v FC Dallas, Pizza Hut Park, Dallas
Aug. 6
AC Milan v Panathinaikos, Pontiac Silverdome (MI),
Aug. 7
Real Madrid v LA Galaxy, Rose Bowl, Los Angeles, FSC 10:30PM

Even if they’re not on television, there are plenty of matches all over the US and parts of Canada, so get your butt to some matches!

On a post-World Cup note, Interpol (the global manufacturer of erotic dancers’ primary professional tool) has arrested more than 5,000 people in Asia and confiscated nearly $10 million in a sting operation cracking down on illegal betting on the cup.

Police in China, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand raided nearly 800 “illegal gambling dens” where they estimate about $155 million in bets were made. The effort, dubbed Soga III, followed similar crackdowns in 2007 and 2008 called Soga I and Soga II respectively.

Memo to the 14K Triad, Ah Kong, the Bamboo Union, the Snakehead Gang, Sun Yee On, and Wo Shing Wo: When you receive an invite to a party called Soga IV, politely decline.

Another post-cup item of note is the ridiculous amount of money the BBC has spent for some of its top executives to hang out in South Africa.

BBC deputy director general Mark Byford expensed $7,500 flying to South Africa for the World Cup final. That’s a whole lot of salted nuts, overweight luggage, stretch limos with Jacuzzi tubs… hookers and blow. But, but, but wait, it gets worse!

Apparently no BBC executive can drive or has the foresight to hire a regular driver. BBC's chief operating officer Caroline Thomson claimed $5,200 on taxis during a three-month period. BBC controller of vision Jana Bennett claimed $4,200 on taxis during the claim period. And BBC's director of future media and technology Erik Huggers made taxi claims for $4,500. That’s $13,700 for three people to take taxis for three months. And the English wonder why their football team was totally disorganized…

And then there’s this cross-sport footie story. Wimbledon champion Rafael Nadal has agreed to invest in hometown club Real Mallorca, which is about $110 million in debt. Advantage, football.

That’s about it for today class, so here now is a special post-World Cup footie anecdote.

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